WEEK 6: FACING FEAR AND FINDING FREEDOM
Sometimes the things we fear the most are the very things that will set us free.
Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what other people think, fear of being fat, fear of being ugly, fear of being lonely, fear of taking risks, fear of change, fear of staying the same... Most of us have fears that keep us trapped. This feeling of being restricted, caged and imprisoned by anxiety and worry is the opposite of freedom. And the key to thriving and finding freedom is to let go of fear. This doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t feel fear anymore; it means that we handle fear in a way that softens us and allows us to move gently towards it so that whatever scares us no longer has power or restricts our lives.
We grow the most when we are outside of our comfort zone. But the truth is, anytime we venture outside of our comfort zone we are going to feel some fear. The usual coping strategies for fear are avoidance, hopelessness (where we lose insight into what will bring us relief), and resentment (where we condemn and criticise ourselves for our fear). I even thought that I could think my way out of fear – that the more I worried about whatever scared me, the more I could control it. I was wrong. While these strategies may bring us relief for a while, they are futile and will keep us trapped. At some point we will start to question, ‘why am I scared?’ and, ‘why do my fears keep growing bigger every year?’.
I’ve been trapped by those prisons of fear. And, looking back, I was trapped because I didn’t know there was an alternative. I thought that I would fear food and my body forever. I thought that I would feel controlled and repressed in all relationships. I thought that stress and anxiety were just part and parcel of life. Now that I know there is an alternative I have consciously created a life of freedom – the freedom to eat, to work and to love as I choose. And I’ve learnt that, instead of resisting and avoiding my fears, I had to fully experience them and become inquisitive about them in order to find freedom.
Fear is a trigger for action. When we feel fear we need to do something, anything. Only when I understood this could I eat the foods that scared me, take the risk to leave the relationship that no longer nourished me, and be brave enough to walk away from the job that left me feeling unfulfilled.
Another big lesson I learnt on my own journey is that fear is a choice. It is a product of the thoughts we create and the stories we tell ourselves. Psychologists have found that we can reappraise fear and anxiety as excitement, because both anxiety and excitement are aroused emotions – our heart beats faster, our palms get sweaty and our level of cortisol surges as our body prepares for action. The only difference is that when we are fearful, we focus on all the things that can go wrong and when we are excited we focus on all the ways something could go well.
Feeling fear is a sign there is something important to overcome. Instead of ignoring it or avoiding it, we can gently move towards it, understand it, and feel excited about the freedom we will experience when we discover that we can do what we were afraid we couldn’t do.
Sometimes the things we fear the most are the very things that will set us free.
Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what other people think, fear of being fat, fear of being ugly, fear of being lonely, fear of taking risks, fear of change, fear of staying the same... Most of us have fears that keep us trapped. This feeling of being restricted, caged and imprisoned by anxiety and worry is the opposite of freedom. And the key to thriving and finding freedom is to let go of fear. This doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t feel fear anymore; it means that we handle fear in a way that softens us and allows us to move gently towards it so that whatever scares us no longer has power or restricts our lives.
We grow the most when we are outside of our comfort zone. But the truth is, anytime we venture outside of our comfort zone we are going to feel some fear. The usual coping strategies for fear are avoidance, hopelessness (where we lose insight into what will bring us relief), and resentment (where we condemn and criticise ourselves for our fear). I even thought that I could think my way out of fear – that the more I worried about whatever scared me, the more I could control it. I was wrong. While these strategies may bring us relief for a while, they are futile and will keep us trapped. At some point we will start to question, ‘why am I scared?’ and, ‘why do my fears keep growing bigger every year?’.
I’ve been trapped by those prisons of fear. And, looking back, I was trapped because I didn’t know there was an alternative. I thought that I would fear food and my body forever. I thought that I would feel controlled and repressed in all relationships. I thought that stress and anxiety were just part and parcel of life. Now that I know there is an alternative I have consciously created a life of freedom – the freedom to eat, to work and to love as I choose. And I’ve learnt that, instead of resisting and avoiding my fears, I had to fully experience them and become inquisitive about them in order to find freedom.
Fear is a trigger for action. When we feel fear we need to do something, anything. Only when I understood this could I eat the foods that scared me, take the risk to leave the relationship that no longer nourished me, and be brave enough to walk away from the job that left me feeling unfulfilled.
Another big lesson I learnt on my own journey is that fear is a choice. It is a product of the thoughts we create and the stories we tell ourselves. Psychologists have found that we can reappraise fear and anxiety as excitement, because both anxiety and excitement are aroused emotions – our heart beats faster, our palms get sweaty and our level of cortisol surges as our body prepares for action. The only difference is that when we are fearful, we focus on all the things that can go wrong and when we are excited we focus on all the ways something could go well.
Feeling fear is a sign there is something important to overcome. Instead of ignoring it or avoiding it, we can gently move towards it, understand it, and feel excited about the freedom we will experience when we discover that we can do what we were afraid we couldn’t do.
Heart-Centred Exploration
Fear is the opposite of feeling stable and secure so signifies an imbalance in our root chakra. A simple way to bring this chakra back into balance and to help us feel more grounded is through a process called ‘earthing’. All this means is walking barefoot on the earth, or laying in the grass so your physical body is in direct contact with the ground. Emerging scientific evidence shows that when we reconnect with the electrons on the earth’s surface the electrons transfer to our body and promote wellbeing. This includes regulating our stress hormones, which can help us feel more grounded and less fearful so we can live with greater freedom. So this week’s exploration asks you to spend 5–10 minutes barefoot on the grass reconnecting to the earth. This is a lovely thing to do first thing in the morning as part of your daily routine.
Fear is the opposite of feeling stable and secure so signifies an imbalance in our root chakra. A simple way to bring this chakra back into balance and to help us feel more grounded is through a process called ‘earthing’. All this means is walking barefoot on the earth, or laying in the grass so your physical body is in direct contact with the ground. Emerging scientific evidence shows that when we reconnect with the electrons on the earth’s surface the electrons transfer to our body and promote wellbeing. This includes regulating our stress hormones, which can help us feel more grounded and less fearful so we can live with greater freedom. So this week’s exploration asks you to spend 5–10 minutes barefoot on the grass reconnecting to the earth. This is a lovely thing to do first thing in the morning as part of your daily routine.
Facing Fear Meditation
The key to freedom is presence. Fear keeps us trapped in the past or worried about the future. When we recognise and move towards our fear we begin to realise that, right now, we are ok. This week’s meditation uses a technique called ‘noting’ to identify our fears without becoming caught up in the stories that come with them. This allows us to relax into the emotional energy and sit with our fears so that they no longer have power over us.
Begin in a comfortable seated position and bring your awareness to your breath by focusing on the rise and fall of your belly. Now awaken the feeling of fear by thinking of something that scares you. It could be a common fear like spiders or snakes, or something more personal that holds you back like the fear of gaining weight, making a mistake at work or people not liking you. Focus on this fear for a moment or two and label it with a mental note like ‘thinking’, ‘memory’, ‘fearing’, or ‘pain’. Avoid getting too sucked into the detail. For example, if you feel anxious about failing an exam, label it ‘failing’ or ‘anxiety’ instead of ‘failing an exam’.
Return your awareness to your breath and if another source of fear or anxiety comes to mind, take a moment or two to label it and then bring your awareness back to your breath.
Spend 5–10 minutes doing this so that you begin to observe your fears without attaching to them. This will help us to see that it is our fear, rather than what we are afraid of, that is causing our unhappiness.
The key to freedom is presence. Fear keeps us trapped in the past or worried about the future. When we recognise and move towards our fear we begin to realise that, right now, we are ok. This week’s meditation uses a technique called ‘noting’ to identify our fears without becoming caught up in the stories that come with them. This allows us to relax into the emotional energy and sit with our fears so that they no longer have power over us.
Begin in a comfortable seated position and bring your awareness to your breath by focusing on the rise and fall of your belly. Now awaken the feeling of fear by thinking of something that scares you. It could be a common fear like spiders or snakes, or something more personal that holds you back like the fear of gaining weight, making a mistake at work or people not liking you. Focus on this fear for a moment or two and label it with a mental note like ‘thinking’, ‘memory’, ‘fearing’, or ‘pain’. Avoid getting too sucked into the detail. For example, if you feel anxious about failing an exam, label it ‘failing’ or ‘anxiety’ instead of ‘failing an exam’.
Return your awareness to your breath and if another source of fear or anxiety comes to mind, take a moment or two to label it and then bring your awareness back to your breath.
Spend 5–10 minutes doing this so that you begin to observe your fears without attaching to them. This will help us to see that it is our fear, rather than what we are afraid of, that is causing our unhappiness.