WEEK 8: LOVING YOUR BODY
When you stop worrying about having a beautiful body, you can start building a beautiful life. And this life will bring you more happiness than a flat stomach and the perfect butt ever could.
Nobody ever tells us that it’s ok to call ourselves beautiful. Nobody ever says that we can love our waist and our hips and our thighs. Nobody ever says its ok to complement our assets instead of moaning about our flaws. So I’ll say it now:
You are allowed to love your body exactly the way it is.
There is no wonder that over 60 per cent of us are ashamed of our bodies with the rise of selfies on social media becoming a breeding ground for judgement and comparison, and magazines boasting front covers telling us how to get ‘slim and sexy’, ‘lose inches all over’ and ‘be bulge free’. The problem with these messages is that not only do feel we need to lose inches, we also lose self- confidence, self-compassion and self-love.
Media isn’t the only problem when it comes to loving our body. We can be our own worst enemy. We think that degrading our body is a form of modesty when actually it just weakens our spirit. We think that if we criticise our body enough it will lead to change when in reality the criticism just keeps us trapped in a cycle of binging or starving or whatever destructive coping mechanisms we’ve become caught up in. The truth is, we can’t hate our body into loving it. And in reality, our body was never the problem in the first place. There is nothing wrong with its scars, stretch marks, lumps and bumps. And our curves, wrinkles, smooth places and wobbly bits are just fine as they are. Do we really want to spend our one precious life hating our thighs, condemning our bellies, and wishing we were thinner, curvier, taller, shorter, with a smaller nose, bigger boobs and longer legs?
It took me a long time to love my body, to learn that my worth does not depend on how much I weigh or how flat my stomach is, and to realise that the way my belly has softened and thigh gap has shrunk does not make me any less beautiful. Since my journey through anorexia 10 years ago, my body has changed a lot. My thighs are bigger, my belly is softer, my face is rounder. My heart is healthier, my bones are stronger and my skin is brighter. But the thing that has changed more than my body is my mind. I’ve realised the things that I thought were important – weight, calories, the circumference of my waist, wearing a size 4, being able to fit my thumbs and forefingers around the top of my thigh... are not so important after all. I’ve learnt that our body is precious. It is our vehicle for thriving. And we need to take good care it.
When we stop criticising ourselves in the mirror we can turn our gaze inwards and focus on the things that really matter – our dreams, our relationships, our personal growth. Instead of worrying about how big our bum looks, we can use our energy to be comfortable with ourselves and figure out what we have to share with the world.
Many of us spend our lives fighting to change our body to fit some kind of ideal. But research shows those of us who fit that ideal are just as likely to be unhappy with our bodies as those who don’t. So the other option is to change our attitude towards our body – to appreciate it instead of criticise it, to nourish it instead of punish it and to love it instead of hate it. Developing this body confidence means we:
When you stop worrying about having a beautiful body, you can start building a beautiful life. And this life will bring you more happiness than a flat stomach and the perfect butt ever could.
Nobody ever tells us that it’s ok to call ourselves beautiful. Nobody ever says that we can love our waist and our hips and our thighs. Nobody ever says its ok to complement our assets instead of moaning about our flaws. So I’ll say it now:
You are allowed to love your body exactly the way it is.
There is no wonder that over 60 per cent of us are ashamed of our bodies with the rise of selfies on social media becoming a breeding ground for judgement and comparison, and magazines boasting front covers telling us how to get ‘slim and sexy’, ‘lose inches all over’ and ‘be bulge free’. The problem with these messages is that not only do feel we need to lose inches, we also lose self- confidence, self-compassion and self-love.
Media isn’t the only problem when it comes to loving our body. We can be our own worst enemy. We think that degrading our body is a form of modesty when actually it just weakens our spirit. We think that if we criticise our body enough it will lead to change when in reality the criticism just keeps us trapped in a cycle of binging or starving or whatever destructive coping mechanisms we’ve become caught up in. The truth is, we can’t hate our body into loving it. And in reality, our body was never the problem in the first place. There is nothing wrong with its scars, stretch marks, lumps and bumps. And our curves, wrinkles, smooth places and wobbly bits are just fine as they are. Do we really want to spend our one precious life hating our thighs, condemning our bellies, and wishing we were thinner, curvier, taller, shorter, with a smaller nose, bigger boobs and longer legs?
It took me a long time to love my body, to learn that my worth does not depend on how much I weigh or how flat my stomach is, and to realise that the way my belly has softened and thigh gap has shrunk does not make me any less beautiful. Since my journey through anorexia 10 years ago, my body has changed a lot. My thighs are bigger, my belly is softer, my face is rounder. My heart is healthier, my bones are stronger and my skin is brighter. But the thing that has changed more than my body is my mind. I’ve realised the things that I thought were important – weight, calories, the circumference of my waist, wearing a size 4, being able to fit my thumbs and forefingers around the top of my thigh... are not so important after all. I’ve learnt that our body is precious. It is our vehicle for thriving. And we need to take good care it.
When we stop criticising ourselves in the mirror we can turn our gaze inwards and focus on the things that really matter – our dreams, our relationships, our personal growth. Instead of worrying about how big our bum looks, we can use our energy to be comfortable with ourselves and figure out what we have to share with the world.
Many of us spend our lives fighting to change our body to fit some kind of ideal. But research shows those of us who fit that ideal are just as likely to be unhappy with our bodies as those who don’t. So the other option is to change our attitude towards our body – to appreciate it instead of criticise it, to nourish it instead of punish it and to love it instead of hate it. Developing this body confidence means we:
- Accept ourselves as we are
- Realise that our body isn’t perfect, but no one else’s is either
- Don’t feel the need to change our weight or have plastic surgery to feel better about ourselves
- May still want to improve our body by losing or gaining weight or toning up but know it won’t make us any more valuable as a person
Heart-Centred Exploration
Even if we admit to hating our body, there will be times when we transcend this self-criticism and feel in love with ourselves and with life. So, for this week’s exploration, document the moments you feel most in love with yourself. What were you doing? Who were you with? Where were you? What were you wearing? How were you feeling?
Once you’ve made a list of these moments, see if you can identify a common theme. Maybe you feel most in love with your body when you’re around a specific friend or partner. Or it might be when you’re in nature or when you’re playing sport. See if you can recreate these body positive experiences as often as you can.
Even if we admit to hating our body, there will be times when we transcend this self-criticism and feel in love with ourselves and with life. So, for this week’s exploration, document the moments you feel most in love with yourself. What were you doing? Who were you with? Where were you? What were you wearing? How were you feeling?
Once you’ve made a list of these moments, see if you can identify a common theme. Maybe you feel most in love with your body when you’re around a specific friend or partner. Or it might be when you’re in nature or when you’re playing sport. See if you can recreate these body positive experiences as often as you can.
Body Love Meditation
Deep breaths are like little love notes to your body. They send a simple message that you care about your health and your happiness. This week’s meditation uses a pranayama (a traditional yogic breathing exercise) known as ‘equal breathing’. By deepening each inhale and lengthening each exhale you slow down the nervous system, reduce anxiety and nourish your body with oxygen.
Begin seated and take a couple of long deep breaths into your belly. Once you’ve found your focus on your breath, begin inhaling for a count of four and exhaling for a count of four. Breathe through your nose, increasing the length to a count of six or eight if you can. Breathe like this for up to 10 minutes and then slowly allow your breathing rate to return to normal.
At times of stress or when you find yourself criticising your body, return to this equal breathing method to slow your mind down and remind yourself that you are worthy of nourishing with deep breaths, kind thoughts and self-love.
Deep breaths are like little love notes to your body. They send a simple message that you care about your health and your happiness. This week’s meditation uses a pranayama (a traditional yogic breathing exercise) known as ‘equal breathing’. By deepening each inhale and lengthening each exhale you slow down the nervous system, reduce anxiety and nourish your body with oxygen.
Begin seated and take a couple of long deep breaths into your belly. Once you’ve found your focus on your breath, begin inhaling for a count of four and exhaling for a count of four. Breathe through your nose, increasing the length to a count of six or eight if you can. Breathe like this for up to 10 minutes and then slowly allow your breathing rate to return to normal.
At times of stress or when you find yourself criticising your body, return to this equal breathing method to slow your mind down and remind yourself that you are worthy of nourishing with deep breaths, kind thoughts and self-love.