I am forever falling in love with the ordinary — the breath, the body, the gentle evening breeze, the sound of the waves softly rippling to shore, the sweet bird song, the way the ocean kisses the sky as they meet on the horizon, the strength and surrender that flow through me, the messy hair, the sandy feet, the movement that leads to stillness, the tightness that leads to openness, the fear that blossoms into love if only you have the courage to move towards it instead of running away, this moment, this breath, this messy, magnificent adventure we call life.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ॐ
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I used to think happiness was found in money and achievement and the size of my thighs — until I discovered meditation and poetry and the beauty of standing under a star-littered sky at midnight.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Until I learnt the power of the breath and the beauty of the body and the love that is hiding in every human heart if you open yourself to it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Until I watched the sun set over the ocean and realised, on a level deeper than words, that all life holds is the opportunity to love. ॐ When you ignore the call of your soul for too long, it’ll curl up behind your heart and go to sleep.
And you’ll forget who you are and why you’re here and how you can serve. And life will begin to feel dry and dead and empty. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But at some point, something will happen that’ll wake you up. It will call your soul of out of it’s hiding place and you will see the world as if you’re looking at it for the first time — through the eyes of love instead of fear. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The alarm clock that awakens you may be quiet and gentle, trickling like a stream in springtime. Or it may be loud and intense, thundering through your heart like ocean waves in a winter storm. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It may feel like bliss or like hell. It may wrap itself around you as soft as feathers or knock you to your knees with a grief so gut-wrenching you don’t know how you’ll ever stand again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The doors to awakening are everywhere — and, once you have the faith to open them and the courage to walk through them, you are never, ever the same ॐ I wish someone had told me this 10 years ago:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You will never find peace if you keep starting wars with yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You do not have to mould your body into a shape that is not your own. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You are tired all the time because you keep trying to control something that is meant to be wild. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ॐ I wish someone had told me this 10 years ago:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You do not have to earn happiness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Happiness is not found in money or success or the size of your thighs. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Chasing what society says will make you happy will often take you in the opposite direction to following the quiet call of your own heart. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Trust your heart to show you the way. ॐ I used to run from stillness — as if being constantly busy was a way of showing the world I wasn’t just standing around taking up space.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But I’ve realised that it’s only in stillness that you can see the world more clearly and love it more deeply. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It takes a gentle courage to step off the treadmill of productivity, to honour the beauty of both silent stillness and mindful movement, and to build pockets of both into our lives. ॐ You spend 10 days in complete silence. You meditate for 12 hours a day. You train your mind to focus on the sensations of the body — the ones that roar and the ones that whisper. The screaming pain that disperses into fiery throbbing before dissolving into a thousand little ripples, the deep ache that melts into a shimmer, the millions of tiny, tender vibrations flowing through your whole being like a river after rainfall, letting you know that every cell is alive.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are no full length mirrors and you begin to forget what you look like. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You discover what it is like to live in your body without judgement or attachment, free from the menagerie or inner voices that tell you how you are too much or not enough. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And then you get home and see your reflection. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And, unmasked and unafraid, you meet your body for the first time — not as an enemy or a battleground or some kind of sculpture to carve into the ‘perfect’ shape. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But as a friend. A home. A pathway to peace. A doorway to deep love. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ॐ It’s been a few months since I’ve been online.
To begin with, it was simply because life was busy. But, as the days went by, I realised I needed space to reflect, to recenter, to make sure that what I was sharing was coming from a place of compassion with no ego or agenda. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And then, as the weeks went by, I realised I needed stillness in preparation for my first Vipassana course — a 10 day silent retreat with 12+ hours of meditation a day. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ No talking. No eye contact. No writing or reading or technology. Nowhere to run. No place to hide. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I finished the course this morning. It was one of the most brutal and beautiful experiences of my life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Honestly, right now it feels like my soul has been dragged through broken glass and I don’t know if there are words to capture this path I have started walking. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But I do know that once you have felt love vibrate through every cell of your body, you are never, ever the same. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There was nothing woo woo or mystical or supernatural about it. No guru to worship. No shaman with magic potions. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There was just your body and your breath and the realisation that with the rise and fall of each inhale and each exhale, you are changing. Healing. Growing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And as you feel the soft, subtle sensations of your body, you begin to understand the thought patterns of your mind. To untangle a thousand tiny knots of suffering in your heart. To slowly, gently, mindfully unlearn your way back to love. ॐ |