WEEK 10: GOING WITH THE FLOW
Release your grip. Open your clenched fist. Touch life. Don’t strangle it.
Many us fight against the flow of life in an attempt to control the uncontrollables. We try to micromanage the universe to achieve the outcome we think is best for us. We waste precious energy planning and predicting things that we cannot possibly plan or predict.
In reality, life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. And when we try to control everything, we end up enjoying nothing. Worry never changes the outcome, but many of us spend our days in a state of stress and anxiety because we’re so attached to a specific outcome – at work, in our relationships and of our diet. Whenever we feel under this sort of pressure it’s because we have blocked the flow of life. It means we need to take a look at what expectations we can let go of so we can relax.
The struggles that many of us face on a daily basis – stress, anxiety and depression, may be normal in 21st-century life but they are not natural. If we take a look at nature itself we can see that life is not meant to be a struggle. The sun doesn’t struggle to shine, birds don’t struggle to fly and flowers don’t struggle to bloom. When we force nothing, drop our expectations and relax into life, we turn off the furnace of struggle and begin to fully engage with the present moment and what we feel we are being called to do.
In the past I was a massive control freak. I tried to control everything from what and when I ate to the number on the scale and the size of my thighs. Control is intricately related to disordered eating because food is something we can control when we feel like the rest of our life is in chaos. But my attempts to control food and my body never gave me the outcome that I wanted (freedom, love and happiness) and instead destroyed my health and blindfolded me to my intuition. Only when I did the opposite of controlling – surrendering, did I find the happiness I had been searching for. By surrendering to my appetite, my natural weight, spontaneous meals out and cake dates with friends, did I rediscover my passion for life.
Surrendering involves releasing the clenched fist we have around life. It means stopping fighting – with ourselves, with the universe and with the natural flow of things. When we are caught in the midst of a struggle we spend so much energy analysing the past, planning the future and trying to figure out how we feel and what we want. Sometimes the best thing to do is to surrender, embrace the uncertainty and see what happens.
When we embrace the flow of life there are fewer obstacles to deal with, our mind becomes clearer and we give ourselves the freedom to find our passion and purpose. Psychologists have identified ‘flow’ as a state of consciousness where we are so involved in whatever we are doing – a hobby, a relationship, or life in general, that we don’t have enough attention left to notice any anxiety, distress or mental chatter. It is this flow state that redirects our energy away from worry and fear so that it can flow freely, that cultivates happiness. We can tell we’re in a flow state when:
Release your grip. Open your clenched fist. Touch life. Don’t strangle it.
Many us fight against the flow of life in an attempt to control the uncontrollables. We try to micromanage the universe to achieve the outcome we think is best for us. We waste precious energy planning and predicting things that we cannot possibly plan or predict.
In reality, life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. And when we try to control everything, we end up enjoying nothing. Worry never changes the outcome, but many of us spend our days in a state of stress and anxiety because we’re so attached to a specific outcome – at work, in our relationships and of our diet. Whenever we feel under this sort of pressure it’s because we have blocked the flow of life. It means we need to take a look at what expectations we can let go of so we can relax.
The struggles that many of us face on a daily basis – stress, anxiety and depression, may be normal in 21st-century life but they are not natural. If we take a look at nature itself we can see that life is not meant to be a struggle. The sun doesn’t struggle to shine, birds don’t struggle to fly and flowers don’t struggle to bloom. When we force nothing, drop our expectations and relax into life, we turn off the furnace of struggle and begin to fully engage with the present moment and what we feel we are being called to do.
In the past I was a massive control freak. I tried to control everything from what and when I ate to the number on the scale and the size of my thighs. Control is intricately related to disordered eating because food is something we can control when we feel like the rest of our life is in chaos. But my attempts to control food and my body never gave me the outcome that I wanted (freedom, love and happiness) and instead destroyed my health and blindfolded me to my intuition. Only when I did the opposite of controlling – surrendering, did I find the happiness I had been searching for. By surrendering to my appetite, my natural weight, spontaneous meals out and cake dates with friends, did I rediscover my passion for life.
Surrendering involves releasing the clenched fist we have around life. It means stopping fighting – with ourselves, with the universe and with the natural flow of things. When we are caught in the midst of a struggle we spend so much energy analysing the past, planning the future and trying to figure out how we feel and what we want. Sometimes the best thing to do is to surrender, embrace the uncertainty and see what happens.
When we embrace the flow of life there are fewer obstacles to deal with, our mind becomes clearer and we give ourselves the freedom to find our passion and purpose. Psychologists have identified ‘flow’ as a state of consciousness where we are so involved in whatever we are doing – a hobby, a relationship, or life in general, that we don’t have enough attention left to notice any anxiety, distress or mental chatter. It is this flow state that redirects our energy away from worry and fear so that it can flow freely, that cultivates happiness. We can tell we’re in a flow state when:
- We lose awareness of time and are completely present in whatever we are doing
- We stop thinking about ourselves as we are so immersed in what we are doing that there is
no room for thoughts, worries or self-consciousness - Our attention is razor sharp as all our mental resources are being channelled to the task at hand
- Our work seems effortless despite being highly complex or requiring a great deal of mental effort
Heart-Centred Exploration
Surrendering into the flow of life isn’t always easy – especially if you’ve spent a long time trying to control every part of it. That is why it is important to practise surrendering so it is something that you can feel relaxed in doing. This week’s exploration asks you to question: ‘Would letting go of control feel like freedom?’
Start by pinpointing your fears so you can clear out your system a little. Take a notebook and write down the following headings: food, exercise, my body, my relationships, work, achievement, other people, other 30ncontrollable.
Under each heading write down:
Surrendering into the flow of life isn’t always easy – especially if you’ve spent a long time trying to control every part of it. That is why it is important to practise surrendering so it is something that you can feel relaxed in doing. This week’s exploration asks you to question: ‘Would letting go of control feel like freedom?’
Start by pinpointing your fears so you can clear out your system a little. Take a notebook and write down the following headings: food, exercise, my body, my relationships, work, achievement, other people, other 30ncontrollable.
Under each heading write down:
- What are you afraid of?
- What’s the worst that could happen if you don’t control the outcome?
- Will each situation be worse if it doesn’t work out the way you think it should? What other possible outcomes are there?
- Will letting go of control in each situation feel like freedom?
Going with the Flow Meditation
This week’s meditation focuses on letting go of control – this is what we need to do so that we can go with the flow and relax into life.
The technique is simple, find a comfortable seated position and bring your awareness to your breath. As you inhale say to yourself ‘let’ and as you exhale say ‘go’. Use the phrase ‘let go’ as a mantra to keep your focus in the moment, and help you block out any mental chatter and achieve the flow state. Stay here for 5–10 minutes until you feel calm and liberated, and return to this meditation any time you feel under pressure to remind you to release control and relax into life.
This week’s meditation focuses on letting go of control – this is what we need to do so that we can go with the flow and relax into life.
The technique is simple, find a comfortable seated position and bring your awareness to your breath. As you inhale say to yourself ‘let’ and as you exhale say ‘go’. Use the phrase ‘let go’ as a mantra to keep your focus in the moment, and help you block out any mental chatter and achieve the flow state. Stay here for 5–10 minutes until you feel calm and liberated, and return to this meditation any time you feel under pressure to remind you to release control and relax into life.