WEEK 11: RE-AUTHORING YOUR LIFE STORY
Don’t be ashamed of your story. People are hungry for it. It isn’t perfect. But it’s wild. It’s passionate. It’s courageous. Owning it will help you heal. And sharing it will help heal the world.
Stories are an intrinsic part of our life. They are one of the things that make us human. From the bedtime fairy tales our parents read to us as children to the movies we watch, the music we listen to and the news we follow, storytelling influences all aspects of our life. And no stories influence our values, desires, dreams and beliefs more than the stories we tell ourselves.
These stories can empower us to chase our dreams or they can trap us in a cycle of destructive behaviour. We live the stories we tell ourselves as if they are true. This means that we cannot thrive if we keep telling ourselves stories which break us down and cause us pain. We need to listen to the stories we tell ourselves and open up to new ways of looking at our experiences, so we can reconstruct an understanding of who we are and our place in the world.
We are the author of our life story. We create it from the meanings we make from every aspect of our lives. When the meanings we make are negative we end up disempowering ourselves with limiting beliefs of inadequacy, stupidity and hopelessness. We find that every thought, word and action is driven by our struggles – we become attached to our story and forget that we can write a new chapter any time we choose.
There is a difference between owning our story and being attached to and trapped by it. When we are imprisoned by our story we defend our victimhood, blame the past for our current struggles and feel shame, regret and totally powerless to change. But when we own our story we give ourselves the power to change it – to interpret every experience in a way that empowers us and leads to more joy, more connection and more fulfilment. By changing our story, we change our life.
It has taken me a long time to not be ashamed of my story. I didn’t talk about my struggle with anorexia and depression for years because I hoped that not talking about the pain would mean I wouldn’t feel it. But when we deny our story, it ends up defining us. I couldn’t find freedom because I always felt I had something to hide. It was only when I found the courage to own my story – the beautiful, the wild and the messy parts, that I began to free myself to write a brave new ending.
Psychologists often call our life stories schemas or cognitive maps and it is these schemas that direct what we notice, how we interpret things, how we make decisions, how we act and how we see ourselves. Researchers have found that when we have a schema where we see ourselves as victims and the world is unsafe, we end up with high levels of distress, but when we have stories in which we view ourselves as survivors or thrivers, we heal and grow.
Thriving isn’t about being fixed (we were never broken) – it’s about deconstructing our life story, while reconstructing a new one with a new understanding of how our struggles have transformed us. Professor Stephen Joseph, an expert in thriving, explains that it is meaning that provides us with the strength to move forward. So, by giving our struggles meaning in the story of our life, we create a sense of purpose, connection and fulfilment.
Don’t be ashamed of your story. People are hungry for it. It isn’t perfect. But it’s wild. It’s passionate. It’s courageous. Owning it will help you heal. And sharing it will help heal the world.
Stories are an intrinsic part of our life. They are one of the things that make us human. From the bedtime fairy tales our parents read to us as children to the movies we watch, the music we listen to and the news we follow, storytelling influences all aspects of our life. And no stories influence our values, desires, dreams and beliefs more than the stories we tell ourselves.
These stories can empower us to chase our dreams or they can trap us in a cycle of destructive behaviour. We live the stories we tell ourselves as if they are true. This means that we cannot thrive if we keep telling ourselves stories which break us down and cause us pain. We need to listen to the stories we tell ourselves and open up to new ways of looking at our experiences, so we can reconstruct an understanding of who we are and our place in the world.
We are the author of our life story. We create it from the meanings we make from every aspect of our lives. When the meanings we make are negative we end up disempowering ourselves with limiting beliefs of inadequacy, stupidity and hopelessness. We find that every thought, word and action is driven by our struggles – we become attached to our story and forget that we can write a new chapter any time we choose.
There is a difference between owning our story and being attached to and trapped by it. When we are imprisoned by our story we defend our victimhood, blame the past for our current struggles and feel shame, regret and totally powerless to change. But when we own our story we give ourselves the power to change it – to interpret every experience in a way that empowers us and leads to more joy, more connection and more fulfilment. By changing our story, we change our life.
It has taken me a long time to not be ashamed of my story. I didn’t talk about my struggle with anorexia and depression for years because I hoped that not talking about the pain would mean I wouldn’t feel it. But when we deny our story, it ends up defining us. I couldn’t find freedom because I always felt I had something to hide. It was only when I found the courage to own my story – the beautiful, the wild and the messy parts, that I began to free myself to write a brave new ending.
Psychologists often call our life stories schemas or cognitive maps and it is these schemas that direct what we notice, how we interpret things, how we make decisions, how we act and how we see ourselves. Researchers have found that when we have a schema where we see ourselves as victims and the world is unsafe, we end up with high levels of distress, but when we have stories in which we view ourselves as survivors or thrivers, we heal and grow.
Thriving isn’t about being fixed (we were never broken) – it’s about deconstructing our life story, while reconstructing a new one with a new understanding of how our struggles have transformed us. Professor Stephen Joseph, an expert in thriving, explains that it is meaning that provides us with the strength to move forward. So, by giving our struggles meaning in the story of our life, we create a sense of purpose, connection and fulfilment.
Heart-Centred Exploration
Re-authoring our life story begins by how we look at ourselves in relation to our struggles. Do we see ourselves as passive, helpless victims? As survivors who recognize the struggles we have been through? Or as thrivers who are moving beyond our struggles to find meaning and purpose in our lives.
This week’s exploration involves understanding how you view yourself in your life story by reflecting on the words you use.
Below are three lists of words associated with being a victim, survivor and thriver. Spend 5–10 minutes adding as many words as you can to each list. Once you’ve finished, reflect on which words you use the most in your thoughts and speech, and work towards using more of the words related to thriving in your everyday life.
Victim: Blame, destruction, powerless, sacrifice, suffer, underdog
Survivor: Endure, exist, fighter, persevere, recognise, tolerate
Thriver: Hopeful, fulfilment, meaning, purpose, resilience, responsibility
Re-authoring our life story begins by how we look at ourselves in relation to our struggles. Do we see ourselves as passive, helpless victims? As survivors who recognize the struggles we have been through? Or as thrivers who are moving beyond our struggles to find meaning and purpose in our lives.
This week’s exploration involves understanding how you view yourself in your life story by reflecting on the words you use.
Below are three lists of words associated with being a victim, survivor and thriver. Spend 5–10 minutes adding as many words as you can to each list. Once you’ve finished, reflect on which words you use the most in your thoughts and speech, and work towards using more of the words related to thriving in your everyday life.
Victim: Blame, destruction, powerless, sacrifice, suffer, underdog
Survivor: Endure, exist, fighter, persevere, recognise, tolerate
Thriver: Hopeful, fulfilment, meaning, purpose, resilience, responsibility
Re-authoring Meditation
This week’s meditation is a walking meditation. This represents finding freedom from any disempowering stories and walking away from destructive habits. Ideally find somewhere to walk that is surrounded by nature – a field, a woodland or a park. You don’t need to walk far: ten to 20 minutes will be enough time for you to use the physical, mental and emotional experience of walking to feel the freedom that comes with moving forwards in life.
As you begin walking focus on your body, starting at the soles of your feet and noticing how each heel and ball of the foot make contact with the ground. Draw your focus up your legs to your ankles, calves, knees and thighs, noticing how each muscle contracts and relaxes to move the body part. Become aware of your hips, your belly, your spine and your upper body. Once you’ve scanned your whole body, bring your awareness to any feelings or emotions – noticing them and letting them go without getting caught up in any stories. And then see if you can find a balance of awareness between the outer bodily sensations and inner feelings.
This walking meditation will help you bring your meditation practice into the outside world.
This week’s meditation is a walking meditation. This represents finding freedom from any disempowering stories and walking away from destructive habits. Ideally find somewhere to walk that is surrounded by nature – a field, a woodland or a park. You don’t need to walk far: ten to 20 minutes will be enough time for you to use the physical, mental and emotional experience of walking to feel the freedom that comes with moving forwards in life.
As you begin walking focus on your body, starting at the soles of your feet and noticing how each heel and ball of the foot make contact with the ground. Draw your focus up your legs to your ankles, calves, knees and thighs, noticing how each muscle contracts and relaxes to move the body part. Become aware of your hips, your belly, your spine and your upper body. Once you’ve scanned your whole body, bring your awareness to any feelings or emotions – noticing them and letting them go without getting caught up in any stories. And then see if you can find a balance of awareness between the outer bodily sensations and inner feelings.
This walking meditation will help you bring your meditation practice into the outside world.