WEEK 3: FORGIVENESS AND LETTING GO
Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it go.
Sometimes life feels heavy. That’s because we all walk around with baggage. But when we take a moment to look inside our bags we often discover that much of what we are carrying we no longer need. We might be carrying around guilt or shame over past mistakes, habits and behaviours that no longer nourish us, or an idea in our head of what our life should be like.
So this week is about discovering that you don’t have to carry any unnecessary and unnourishing baggage with you anymore. It’s about forgiving yourself so you can heal. It’s about loving yourself enough to let go of what no longer serves you and creating space for something better.
Forgiveness brings peace. And the main person we need to forgive is usually ourselves. We are all human. We make mistakes. We do things we aren’t proud of. But don’t let shame and sadness run your life.
A big part of forgiveness is letting go. It may be letting go of shame or guilt, letting go of self-critical thoughts and self-destructive behaviours, or letting go of parts of your lifestyle such as a job that makes you unhappy, a diet that makes you feel trapped or an unhealthy relationship – with food, drink, social media, a friend or a partner.
It took me a long time to forgive myself and let go. I tried to recover from anorexia so many times while still being at war with myself and carrying the guilt and shame of the disorder. Only when I realised that we have to forgive ourselves before we can fix ourselves did I begin to heal. Another thing I’ve learnt is that forgiveness is not a one-time thing. It’s something you have to do every day, over and over again – as many times as it takes to find freedom.
Forgiveness and letting go isn’t about pretending something didn’t happen or that it doesn’t hurt. It’s about understanding the lessons we can learn from the experience without holding onto the pain. It involves:
Letting go and forgiving ourselves is a decision. It means saying, ‘I’ve felt ashamed, scared and angry long enough. I am releasing my shame, fear and anger because I don’t need to carry them any more’. Once we are no longer beating ourselves up for our mistakes, we can learn to love ourselves in healthy ways and realise we have value and worth.
Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it go.
Sometimes life feels heavy. That’s because we all walk around with baggage. But when we take a moment to look inside our bags we often discover that much of what we are carrying we no longer need. We might be carrying around guilt or shame over past mistakes, habits and behaviours that no longer nourish us, or an idea in our head of what our life should be like.
So this week is about discovering that you don’t have to carry any unnecessary and unnourishing baggage with you anymore. It’s about forgiving yourself so you can heal. It’s about loving yourself enough to let go of what no longer serves you and creating space for something better.
Forgiveness brings peace. And the main person we need to forgive is usually ourselves. We are all human. We make mistakes. We do things we aren’t proud of. But don’t let shame and sadness run your life.
A big part of forgiveness is letting go. It may be letting go of shame or guilt, letting go of self-critical thoughts and self-destructive behaviours, or letting go of parts of your lifestyle such as a job that makes you unhappy, a diet that makes you feel trapped or an unhealthy relationship – with food, drink, social media, a friend or a partner.
It took me a long time to forgive myself and let go. I tried to recover from anorexia so many times while still being at war with myself and carrying the guilt and shame of the disorder. Only when I realised that we have to forgive ourselves before we can fix ourselves did I begin to heal. Another thing I’ve learnt is that forgiveness is not a one-time thing. It’s something you have to do every day, over and over again – as many times as it takes to find freedom.
Forgiveness and letting go isn’t about pretending something didn’t happen or that it doesn’t hurt. It’s about understanding the lessons we can learn from the experience without holding onto the pain. It involves:
- Releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment
- Freeing ourselves from pain and anger that has built up over time
- Acknowledging our own inner pain and expressing it in ways that will not hurt ourselves or
others - Choosing to move our focus from past hurt to the present moment
- Facing up to the emotional barriers of fear and anger that are causing us to hold onto
feelings, behaviours, people or things which are harming us - Cultivating non-attachment. For example, working towards goals without thinking we need to accomplish them to be happy, being in a relationship while letting the other person be free, or starting a weight-loss regime without believing we need to be a certain weight to love our body
Letting go and forgiving ourselves is a decision. It means saying, ‘I’ve felt ashamed, scared and angry long enough. I am releasing my shame, fear and anger because I don’t need to carry them any more’. Once we are no longer beating ourselves up for our mistakes, we can learn to love ourselves in healthy ways and realise we have value and worth.
Heart-Centred Exploration
This week’s exploration focuses on forgiving yourself by writing yourself a letter.
Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully. The emotion could be anything from feeling shame about your body, guilt for not meeting your parents’ expectations, regret for hurting someone you love or any other emotion that is holding you back.
Begin by writing down the emotion, event or experience that you would like to let go of and forgive yourself for. Write in as much detail as you can. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, and ask yourself how long you have held onto these feelings for and how much they affect your everyday life. If you need to, discuss how you feel with someone close to you and they can help you to realise that we all make mistakes which are in need of forgiveness and that you don’t deserve to feel pain or hurt.
Once you have given yourself a bit of time to grieve the feelings, shred or burn the piece of paper you wrote your emotions down on as a visual symbol of letting go. If you need to, repeat this with other areas of your life where you are in need of forgiveness so that you can move on and live with greater freedom. If the hurt, shame or anger are triggered again at some point in your life, gently remind yourself that you have forgiven yourself and chosen to move on so that you can grow.
This week’s exploration focuses on forgiving yourself by writing yourself a letter.
Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully. The emotion could be anything from feeling shame about your body, guilt for not meeting your parents’ expectations, regret for hurting someone you love or any other emotion that is holding you back.
Begin by writing down the emotion, event or experience that you would like to let go of and forgive yourself for. Write in as much detail as you can. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, and ask yourself how long you have held onto these feelings for and how much they affect your everyday life. If you need to, discuss how you feel with someone close to you and they can help you to realise that we all make mistakes which are in need of forgiveness and that you don’t deserve to feel pain or hurt.
Once you have given yourself a bit of time to grieve the feelings, shred or burn the piece of paper you wrote your emotions down on as a visual symbol of letting go. If you need to, repeat this with other areas of your life where you are in need of forgiveness so that you can move on and live with greater freedom. If the hurt, shame or anger are triggered again at some point in your life, gently remind yourself that you have forgiven yourself and chosen to move on so that you can grow.
Forgiveness Meditation
Forgiveness isn’t something that can be forced. It only happens when we open our hearts and let go of the hurt. This week’s meditation focuses on the way that blame, bitterness and resentment – the opposites of forgiveness – keep us trapped, and how by forgiving ourselves we set ourselves free.
Find a quiet space and awaken the feelings of shame, guilt, anger, regret or any other feeling you want to release. The feeling might be tied to a moment in your life, a memory or a thought. Don’t dwell on where the feeling comes from, just focus on the feeling itself. As you do so, take a deep breath and visualise yourself as a bird trapped in a cage – trapped by the shame, guilt, anger or fear. As you breathe out, visualise yourself flying out from the cage and setting yourself free by letting go of the negative feelings and forgiving yourself. Do this as many times as you need to – breathing in the feeling of being a bird trapped in a cage, and breathing out the feeling of setting yourself free.
Forgiveness isn’t something that can be forced. It only happens when we open our hearts and let go of the hurt. This week’s meditation focuses on the way that blame, bitterness and resentment – the opposites of forgiveness – keep us trapped, and how by forgiving ourselves we set ourselves free.
Find a quiet space and awaken the feelings of shame, guilt, anger, regret or any other feeling you want to release. The feeling might be tied to a moment in your life, a memory or a thought. Don’t dwell on where the feeling comes from, just focus on the feeling itself. As you do so, take a deep breath and visualise yourself as a bird trapped in a cage – trapped by the shame, guilt, anger or fear. As you breathe out, visualise yourself flying out from the cage and setting yourself free by letting go of the negative feelings and forgiving yourself. Do this as many times as you need to – breathing in the feeling of being a bird trapped in a cage, and breathing out the feeling of setting yourself free.