WEEK 9: FINDING BALANCE
Finding balance in a world of extremes is a skill very few have mastered. But when you learn to live in the magical space between effort and surrender you will discover that life flows more beautifully than ever.
If we want to thrive, finding balance is a necessity. Balance is the key to everything. And when we find it, we feel good and look good, we are full of energy and vitality, and we become both perfectly peaceful and wonderfully wild.
Balance is about control and surrender. It’s about knowing when to hold on and when to let go, when to drink smoothies and when to eat cake, when to party all night and when to stay in our pyjamas and read books all day. Balance is achieving our goals while enjoying the ride. It’s being more deeply involved in our life but less attached. It’s standing up for the life we want to live and making choices that align with that.
But, in our high speed, high-pressure, high-stress world, balance is a challenge for most of us. It may be that we struggle to balance the demands of our career with a fulfilling social life. Or we could struggle to balance the needs of our young children with the need to look after our health. Or we might focus so much on serving others that we struggle to find the time to eat properly, exercise and rest.
I used to struggle a lot with finding balance and instead would take things to the extreme – extreme diets, extreme exercise plans, extreme working hours, extreme expectations, extreme highs and extreme lows. The truth is, extremes are easy but they take us out of balance. And, when we are imbalanced, our body, mind and life suffers.
While finding balance is a fluid process, a lifetime project rather than a finite goal, chronic imbalance affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. Symptoms include anxiety, insecurity, loneliness, sadness, forgetfulness and a racing mind. We may suffer from bloating, aching joints, hot flushes, insomnia, overall fatigue and lack of vitality. Finding balance is a never-ending journey so what is important is learning how to recognise when we are slipping out of balance and having the courage to act in order to correct it.
Yoga is a wonderful way to bring our mind, body and spirit back into balance. It teaches us how to be both soft and strong. By using our breath and yoga poses we can practise finding balance on our yoga mat under the pressure of a deep backbend or while standing on one leg, which we can then use in everyday life.
Like yoga, Ayurveda is all about balance. It promotes health, happiness and personal growth through the proper balance of energies in the body using the external energy of things in our everyday life – food, exercise, the people we surround ourselves with, our work, and other lifestyle choices. For example, instead of focusing on following a ‘balanced diet’, we need to find a diet that balances us. If we are cold all the time, have dry skin and suffer from constipation, we need to include healthy oils and heating foods like spices in our diet. But if we are naturally hot all the time and have oily skin and we follow the same diet of oily, heating foods, we can suffer from acne, sweating and diarrhoea. This is why self-awareness (which we looked at on Day 1) and understanding our bodymind is so important for finding balance.
Likewise, Buddhism encourages us to take the middle path instead of falling into a cycle of extremes. The Buddhist attitude of equanimity teaches that true happiness comes from balance and not from dualities of pleasure and pain, gain and loss or rich and poor.
Finding balance in a world of extremes is a skill very few have mastered. But when you learn to live in the magical space between effort and surrender you will discover that life flows more beautifully than ever.
If we want to thrive, finding balance is a necessity. Balance is the key to everything. And when we find it, we feel good and look good, we are full of energy and vitality, and we become both perfectly peaceful and wonderfully wild.
Balance is about control and surrender. It’s about knowing when to hold on and when to let go, when to drink smoothies and when to eat cake, when to party all night and when to stay in our pyjamas and read books all day. Balance is achieving our goals while enjoying the ride. It’s being more deeply involved in our life but less attached. It’s standing up for the life we want to live and making choices that align with that.
But, in our high speed, high-pressure, high-stress world, balance is a challenge for most of us. It may be that we struggle to balance the demands of our career with a fulfilling social life. Or we could struggle to balance the needs of our young children with the need to look after our health. Or we might focus so much on serving others that we struggle to find the time to eat properly, exercise and rest.
I used to struggle a lot with finding balance and instead would take things to the extreme – extreme diets, extreme exercise plans, extreme working hours, extreme expectations, extreme highs and extreme lows. The truth is, extremes are easy but they take us out of balance. And, when we are imbalanced, our body, mind and life suffers.
While finding balance is a fluid process, a lifetime project rather than a finite goal, chronic imbalance affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. Symptoms include anxiety, insecurity, loneliness, sadness, forgetfulness and a racing mind. We may suffer from bloating, aching joints, hot flushes, insomnia, overall fatigue and lack of vitality. Finding balance is a never-ending journey so what is important is learning how to recognise when we are slipping out of balance and having the courage to act in order to correct it.
Yoga is a wonderful way to bring our mind, body and spirit back into balance. It teaches us how to be both soft and strong. By using our breath and yoga poses we can practise finding balance on our yoga mat under the pressure of a deep backbend or while standing on one leg, which we can then use in everyday life.
Like yoga, Ayurveda is all about balance. It promotes health, happiness and personal growth through the proper balance of energies in the body using the external energy of things in our everyday life – food, exercise, the people we surround ourselves with, our work, and other lifestyle choices. For example, instead of focusing on following a ‘balanced diet’, we need to find a diet that balances us. If we are cold all the time, have dry skin and suffer from constipation, we need to include healthy oils and heating foods like spices in our diet. But if we are naturally hot all the time and have oily skin and we follow the same diet of oily, heating foods, we can suffer from acne, sweating and diarrhoea. This is why self-awareness (which we looked at on Day 1) and understanding our bodymind is so important for finding balance.
Likewise, Buddhism encourages us to take the middle path instead of falling into a cycle of extremes. The Buddhist attitude of equanimity teaches that true happiness comes from balance and not from dualities of pleasure and pain, gain and loss or rich and poor.
Heart-Centred Exploration
Being balanced doesn’t mean that we feel calm, grounded and content all the time. Balance is a way of living – a practice that we need to explore every day. Some days we will find balance and feel centred, grounded and motivated, and some days we will lose it. The important thing is knowing how to find it again through our lifestyle choices.
Balance means different things to different people so this week’s exploration is about understanding what balance means to you.
Think of a time when you felt balanced – when you liked the way you looked, felt good about yourself as a person, and felt energised, centred and motivated. Now make a list of all the things that were going on in your life at the time. How did you spend your days? How long did you sleep for? What time did you go to bed? What time did you get up? What exercise did you do? What was your diet like? Who did you socialise with? How much time did you spend working? What hobbies did you have? How much time did you give to others? What books were you reading?
This list is a collection of things that keep you in balance. Keep hold of it and refer to it whenever you’re feeling anxious or exhausted and alter your lifestyle by going to bed earlier, eating more vegetables, or spending more time doing whatever makes you feel grounded so that you can begin to bring your mind, body and life back into balance.
Being balanced doesn’t mean that we feel calm, grounded and content all the time. Balance is a way of living – a practice that we need to explore every day. Some days we will find balance and feel centred, grounded and motivated, and some days we will lose it. The important thing is knowing how to find it again through our lifestyle choices.
Balance means different things to different people so this week’s exploration is about understanding what balance means to you.
Think of a time when you felt balanced – when you liked the way you looked, felt good about yourself as a person, and felt energised, centred and motivated. Now make a list of all the things that were going on in your life at the time. How did you spend your days? How long did you sleep for? What time did you go to bed? What time did you get up? What exercise did you do? What was your diet like? Who did you socialise with? How much time did you spend working? What hobbies did you have? How much time did you give to others? What books were you reading?
This list is a collection of things that keep you in balance. Keep hold of it and refer to it whenever you’re feeling anxious or exhausted and alter your lifestyle by going to bed earlier, eating more vegetables, or spending more time doing whatever makes you feel grounded so that you can begin to bring your mind, body and life back into balance.
Finding Balance Meditation
Practising balance means avoiding extremes. When it comes to our thoughts, memories and emotions, we often hold on to them and wallow in them or we shut off our hearts and avoid them completely. This week’s mediation is called ‘touch and go’, and helps us find balance by noticing whatever emotions arise and letting them go, instead of grabbing at them or pushing them away.
Find a comfortable seated position and focus on your breath. Begin by practising the extremes. Start with the ‘touch and grab’ coping method. Notice whatever thought or emotion comes into your mind and focus on it, allowing a story to develop and letting yourself get sucked into the drama. After a couple of minutes, bring yourself out of the storyline and notice how you’re feeling.
Now practise the other extreme – ‘go and go’. Let whatever thought or emotion arise, and ignore it by focusing on something else. Every time a feeling arises block it out by thinking of something else.
It can help to think of a simple object like an animal or a piece of fruit, to distract you from whatever emotion arises. After a couple of minutes, reconnect with yourself.
Finally practise balance using ‘touch and go’. As a feeling arises, touch it gently by noticing it and engaging with the energy of the emotion for a moment without getting sucked into the story behind it. Allow yourself to feel whatever needs to be felt, and then let the feeling pass. Notice how much more balanced and grounded you feel when you allow yourself to experience emotions without avoidance or attachment.
Practising balance means avoiding extremes. When it comes to our thoughts, memories and emotions, we often hold on to them and wallow in them or we shut off our hearts and avoid them completely. This week’s mediation is called ‘touch and go’, and helps us find balance by noticing whatever emotions arise and letting them go, instead of grabbing at them or pushing them away.
Find a comfortable seated position and focus on your breath. Begin by practising the extremes. Start with the ‘touch and grab’ coping method. Notice whatever thought or emotion comes into your mind and focus on it, allowing a story to develop and letting yourself get sucked into the drama. After a couple of minutes, bring yourself out of the storyline and notice how you’re feeling.
Now practise the other extreme – ‘go and go’. Let whatever thought or emotion arise, and ignore it by focusing on something else. Every time a feeling arises block it out by thinking of something else.
It can help to think of a simple object like an animal or a piece of fruit, to distract you from whatever emotion arises. After a couple of minutes, reconnect with yourself.
Finally practise balance using ‘touch and go’. As a feeling arises, touch it gently by noticing it and engaging with the energy of the emotion for a moment without getting sucked into the story behind it. Allow yourself to feel whatever needs to be felt, and then let the feeling pass. Notice how much more balanced and grounded you feel when you allow yourself to experience emotions without avoidance or attachment.